|
Writing Contest Winners 2005
[See below for tentative contest(s) for 2006]
First Place
$400
This story wonderfully reflects some of the key
concepts we espouse on this web site.
Disability and Difficult Attitudes
Jody Courtney
I was born with a disability, so I have dealt with difficult
people all my life. Through all my dealing with these thousands
of people I have learned one thing. When dealing with difficult
people keeping one’s sanity takes effort and focus. This
is my story of how I keep my sanity (well, for the most part)
when dealing with difficult people.
My disability (cerebral palsy) affects my speech, vision, and
motor skills. I also must use a power wheelchair because I wasn’t
able to learn to walk. Despite all of these limitations, I find
dealing with people is one of the most frustrating things about
living with a disability. Many come in contact with difficult
people within the workplace, the family, or in one’s network
of acquaintances. Not me, the most frustrating people I come in
contact with are strangers.
It is not that I believe most people are difficult; it is just
their misconceptions and attitudes of people with disabilities
are difficult. Dealing with stares, receiving unwanted pity, being
treated as a child, and having elected officials misunderstand
disability issues are very draining.
As a child through my early twenties I used denial and overcompensation
to deal with these situations. During my elementary school experience,
I was pushed by a teacher to be the best student that I could
be. She taught that I had to work hard in order to prove that
I was as good as anyone -- even the students without disabilities.
I came to believe that it was my responsibility to change the
attitudes that people had toward me. As you will read later, this
belief had to change for the sake of my own well-being.
I wanted to disprove the perception that people with disabilities
-- especially those with speech impairments -- were slow, friendless,
and had no lives. (It’s funny that even as a small child
I knew people had misconceptions about me.) I spent hours upon
hours doing homework to keep up with the other (normal) students.
Being the best was my mission. I had to have the top grades. I
had to be number one in everything. I also had to be the best
buddy to everyone. I had to be outgoing, funny, and involved in
every organization possible. I lived this way even after my college
years. I really thought if I was a good enough person, the staring
would stop and society would see me just like any other person.
I would always deny the hurt I felt when I was stared at as I
shopped at the mall. I would deny the anger that I felt when a
teacher questioned the wisdom of placing me in his/her classroom.
I would deny the embarrassment I felt when waitresses would ask
my non-disabled friends what I wanted to order. I would deny my
feelings countless of time in order to press onward in my mission
of trying to eliminate the difficult attitudes of people. My thinking
was that people would think better of me if they thought I had
it all together, which meant “never letting them see me
sweat.”
I had failed to realize that living to change people is no way
to live. After years of trying to change the difficult perceptions
of society, I emotionally hit rock bottom. It took me awhile to
understand what led me to my depression: I was so obsessed with
changing the difficult attitudes I faced that I didn’t realize
I had bought into the idea that I was somehow inferior to others.
If I could change society’s perception of me, then it would
mean I wouldn’t have any reason to feel inferior. I learned
it wasn’t people who were driving me nuts, it was myself.
It is taking time, but I am learning to accept the God-given value
I received when I was born. I am a wonderful woman, even with
my physical disability. I don’t need to use overcompensation
and denial to feel good about who I am. The more I truly wrap
this way of thinking around my mind, the less of a need I have
to change the difficult attitudes found within non understanding
and prejudice. It doesn’t matter if the common Joe sees
me as a child and then underestimates me. Of course, it would
be my hope that if he meets me, he will gain disability awareness
and see me in a different light. However, I don’t feel the
responsibility anymore to “open his eyes” to the fact
that people with disabilities are more than their limitations.
Am I going to continue doing disability advocacy to ensure that
Americans with disabilities are included in society. You bet I
will! However, my motivation has changed. I don’t need to
educate and advocate to prove my worth or to seek approval from
others. I want to educate and advocate because I do have worth,
and I can make a difference.
What about you? Are you trying to change a difficult attitude
in society? Are you doing it because it is the right thing to
do or do you need to do it for self-acceptance? Take it from me,
changing society isn’t the way to your worth. You will still
be you, even if you can’t make EVERYONE understand your
worth.
Jody Courtney is a disability advocate who resides in Muncie,
Indiana. She has recently decided to focus on her writing career.
Her goal is not only to educate society on disability issues but
to provide encouragement to those who are living with them.
"In a nutshell, the story is a true story that is based
on my experiences as a woman with a disability.... I just wanted
to write that people-both with and without disabilities- don't
have to be imprisoned by the difficult attitudes of others. We
are more than what is seen from the outside."
Second Place
$150
A great difficult situation story that is well-written
and handled with aplomb and 'the right stuff.'
["Negativity breeds Negativity
Positivity breeds Positivity
Choose Wisely"
difficultpeople.org]
“No Doesn’t Always Mean No”
By Brenda L. Whiteway
A few months ago my husband and I came to the conclusion that
our leased vehicle needed to be replaced. Since we had been very
happy with this particular model, and were pleased with the dealer’s
service, we sought to lease the latest version. We were met by
our salesman with smiles and handshakes, breezed through the paperwork,
and went home to await the call that our car was ready to pick
up.
A few days later we received a call from the dealership, and
their financial administrator told us that we had been turned
down. When asked, he could not give a reason as to why their financial
division had made this decision, and truly seemed as dismayed
as we were. Being a business woman myself, I am not inclined to
take a vague ‘no’ as a final answer.
After careful thought, I realized that approaching the dealership
would be fruitless – the financial part of leases is not
under their control. I considered making my case to the leasing
division that had handed down the decision, but assumed that since
they would not provide their unfortunate messenger with a reason,
they were unlikely to provide me with one either. I also knew
that a terse non-response from them would only bring out my argumentative
side, and I would be no further ahead. Ultimately, I decided the
only way I was likely to gain success would be to go straight
to the top. I wrote two letters: the first was to the national
vice-president, outlining in detail our predicament; the second
was to the international CEO, which included a copy of the first
letter. In writing to the CEO I was careful not to repeat my story,
since he could read the attachment if he had the interest and
the time. I made clear my respect for his position, but also took
the opportunity to draw on the fact that we shared some mutual
associations through a professional organization. I summed up
by respectfully requesting his assistance, and thanking him for
his time and effort. Here are the letters.
Letter #1:
Mr. G. K. Smith, Executive Vice President
Primo Credit Company Inc.
809 Miller Court, Ste. 204
Any City, Anywhere
Dear Mr. Smith,
Re: Lease #5489246
On May 1, 2000 you were kind enough to welcome me as a new
customer to Primo Credit Canada Inc. At that time, I had leased
a 2000 Primo Sorrel and over the past 4 years have been extremely
pleased with both the vehicle, and your customer service. On
many occasions I have been very vocal to both family and colleagues
about the quality of the vehicle, and the wonderful, personalized
customer service that left us feeling extremely well cared for.
In fact, my ‘raving’ encouraged my father to the
extent that he leased his own Primo vehicle a couple of years
ago (he had not been a Primo customer before then). My father-in-law
also visited our dealer and looked into the possibility of obtaining
one of your vehicles. When my company was looking for a new
delivery vehicle, Primo was short listed as a definite possibility,
again, due to my personal satisfaction with Primo.
In light of the above, and considering that we maintained a
regular payment schedule and complied with all aspects of the
lease as they pertain to regular maintenance, one would have
to agree that we have been good customers.
Now that we are nearing the end of our lease, we have visited
our dealer to inquire about moving into a new vehicle. We completed
the required paperwork, which we assumed was merely a formality
and anxiously awaited word that our new vehicle was ready to
be picked up. Imagine my shock and disappointment when I received
a call that we had been turned down! After recovering, I asked
the inevitable ‘But why?’ and was told that there
had been no reason given, only that the decision was final.
I understand that the employees who routinely handle the credit
applications have a formula that they are instructed to follow.
However, it must be said that customers do not always conform
to an exact formula, but are often good customers nonetheless.
Being a businesswoman myself, I simply can’t imagine that
you would be prepared to thoughtlessly discard quality customers
such as ourselves. This is simply not acceptable.
I would be grateful if you would take the time to reconsider
Primo’s position, so that we can continue what I have
believed to be a very fruitful relationship for us both. It
would be a huge disappointment indeed if I found myself in the
position of needing to share such a negative experience with
all those to whom I have done much ‘bragging’. I
also would not welcome the thought of needing to obtain a sub-standard
vehicle elsewhere, when we have been so pleased with our Sorrel.
I await your careful consideration and positive response to
this matter. You will find my contact information on my enclosed
business card, and my personal contact information at the bottom
of this letter.
Letter #2:
Personal & Confidential
Mr. Anderson, CEO
Primo Canada Inc.
1 Primo Place
Any City, Anywhere
Dear Mr. Anderson,
I believe that you may be in a position to assist me. You will
see by the attached that I am having some difficulty in leasing
a second vehicle from Primo. I’m sure that somewhere along
the line there are good employees simply trying to do their
jobs, but every now and then I believe that cooler, and more
senior heads must prevail.
Since you and I have not had the pleasure of meeting, let me
tell you a little more about myself than I chose to share in
the attached letter. Being a businesswoman of over 20 years,
I have learned many things. (Due to my stubborn nature, some
of them the hard way!) However, one of the most basic rules
I’ve learned – and I’m sure you will agree
– is that a company never turns away a solid, reliable,
repeat customer. I don’t believe that I am alone in this
line of thinking. In fact, you and I have some associates in
common whom I am positive would agree as well. As it turns out,
Mr. Bernard Svenson, your Managing Director in Stokholm, and
Mr. Daniel Tremone (Quality Assurance Engineer) and Mrs. Tina
Benson (Capital Investment Specialist), both of New York share
a joint fellowship with me in the International Professional
Business Association. As you may know, this is a highly respected
fellowship, and membership is attained only by nomination through
a peer who is already a member. I was inducted in 2001, and
have gleaned many fruitful and educational associations through
its membership.
Since it is not my wish to take up too much of your valuable
time, I will leave you to peruse the following pages. If there
is anything you can do on my behalf, I would be truly grateful
indeed.
I sent off the letters, and held my breath. To my delight, I
received a call to go to the dealership a few days later. The
gentleman who had originally called to give me the bad news emerged
from his office, smiling. He extended his hand on his way to greet
me and said, “I just wanted to shake your hand. I’ve
been in this business for many years and I have never seen anything
like this.” He continued to explain that he had received
a phone call, although he wouldn’t say from whom, that had
consisted of only five words:
“Give the lady her car.”
This story is based on real events, although the names have
been changed to protect the difficult! This is Brenda’s
first attempt at writing for publication. After ill health forced
her to leave her executive position in May 2004, she turned to
writing as a way of keeping her mind active. She hopes to parlay
her writing into a second career. She resides in Toronto with
her husband and three children.
Honorable Mention
A key component of this story is self-awareness
and the willingness to change.
Key difficultpeople.org concepts.
KNOCKOUT!!!
Karla Sealy
I trudged from the parking lot to the main entrance of the office
building where I worked. “Another day at the office,”
I mumbled to myself, shoulders slumped with resignation. I worked
at a small financial consulting firm in Manhattan. Employed there
for fifteen years, this job had been my lucky break after graduate
school. The firm was relatively small, approximately thirty-five
employees, we each had our own cubicle and spent every day crunching
numbers at our respective computers. This was the routine and
everything had been going smoothly up until a month ago when management
changed. May 1st, 2005 marked the arrival of Mrs. Elizabeth Charles.
And so, the fight began.
Round 1: Mrs. Charles vs. the Office
My first introduction to my new manager came via
a memo sitting on my desk. I would now be working with three of
my colleagues in an expanded work area. Immediately, I felt resentment,
“How dare she take away my independence, my privacy, my…”
What concerned me least was the fact that I did not even recognize
any of the names on the list.
Round 2: Mrs. Charles vs. Me
Fuming, I stormed through the open door of my manager’s
office. Ranting and raving, I paced the floor, expressing my outrage.
Mrs. Charles sat calmly and when I was finished, she gestured
for me to have a seat. “You are definitely one of our most
outstanding and intelligent employees and I give you credit for
that. However, how well do you know any of your colleagues? Do
you not think that you could all make greater contributions in
a team setting?” Blinded by my anger, I disagreed strongly
and stormed out.
Round 3: Me vs. Me
Months passed. After my tirade, I expected Mrs.
Charles to ask for my resignation. However, nothing more was said
of the incident. I continued to talk about her in the office and
outside. “Some people are so difficult, thinking they know
what’s better for everyone else.” I never tired of
anything negative to say. Eventually, eight months later, Mrs.
Charles went on extended leave for several weeks. Of course, I
let everyone know how overjoyed I was about the break.
Then one evening I was walking through the supermarket with my
husband and our two children. Rounding the corner, I passed Mrs.
Charles’ husband. All employees had met him once at a staff
function. He greeted me enthusiastically, grasping my hand, and
asking me how I was doing. When I inquired after him and his wife,
all of a sudden, his eyes welled with tears. “Elizabeth
died two nights ago. She had cancer which spread, that was the
reason for her leave. We haven’t made the announcement to
the office yet. I’ve been meaning to come in but…”
He broke off in tears.
I was stunned. “Elizabeth really enjoyed her time at the
firm,” he continued, “since she found about her cancer,
she wanted to do something that made a difference.” And
in that moment, it all made sense. I was so blinded that I hadn’t
even realized the effect that Mrs. Charles’ changes had
had on my life…
I no longer hung my shoulders coming into the
office. I socialized with colleagues and shared ideas, family
concerns and the like. As my job satisfaction improved, so too
did my life at home. I now spent more time talking to my husband
and playing with my kids.
I had been the difficult person, hard to communicate
with, impossible to deal with.
…I hugged Mr. Charles and we both cried together.
Round 4: KNOCKOUT
One year later. I stood up in front of all the staff
to give my weekly reminder. Since, the death of Mrs. Charles,
I had written all of the lessons she strove to teach and delivered
weekly notices to motivate each employee. In the last year, we
had held numerous sessions. Discussions ranged from respect for
self, respecting the opinions of others, celebrating diversity
in the workplace and the importance of cooperation. I never forgot
Mrs. Charles and now, whenever I encounter someone who I perceive
to be difficult, I stop and remember what she taught me.
“If you judge people, you have no time to
love them.” (Mother Teresa).
Karla writes to us from Barbados. Interests:
Reading, writing, going to beach, kickboxing
Why I entered: I saw the contest and thought it could be interesting.
I used to dream of writing when i was younger but my family and
teachers always said sciences were the way to go. I want to start
writing when I can and this contest gave me the opportunity to
engage in something fun.
Honorable Mention
Perceptions are everything. This story touches
onmany key issues with difficult people in the workplace. Nicely
sets the stage for many of the issues we discuss at difficultpeople.org.
My life with Curt
Dan Markham
Curt Harwood makes my life miserable. Well, he makes everyone’s
life miserable, but mine more than anyone else’s.
Curt is that guy at the office. The one fellow no one likes to
be around. Sadly, I have no choice. Curt and I share a space at
the office.
It’s not just one thing about Curt that drives others away.
It’s his complete and total Curtness.
He’s bitter. He’s confrontational. And yes, he’s
curt. (No one ever said the name didn’t fit.)
Most of his co-workers couldn’t identify just why he is
so despised. And he doesn’t even have to try. It’s
just a natural occurrence; something that comes out as soon as
he walks through the front door here at Amalgamated Products and
Services. It’s hard to tell whether it’s his grunted
replies to simple “hellos,” or the suspicious glances
he shoots on occasion, or something else entirely.
Other times, he just blisters folks with his foul mouth and fouler
attitude.
Just look at the way he treated Connie Reardon. Connie is undeniably
the sweetest, friendliest woman who works here. In fact, her positive
attitude is the only thing that saved her after the merger, when
the company enacted its “personnelization restructurement.”
And yes, that’s what it was called. It seems the term “downsizing”
had taken on strangely negative overtones, so the corporate Einsteins
decided that it needed a euphemism for the euphemism for massive
layoffs. Understandable from a public relations standpoint, I
suppose, though they might have been better off with a phrase
that used actual words.
Anyway, Connie’s old job was swallowed up, but Mr. Hanrahan
didn’t have the heart to fire her, so now she just handles
various, mindless chores. Often, that involves running around
the office delivering messages or summoning employees, something
the intercom could handle at a fraction of the cost, if Hanrahan
ever learned how to use it. But he just dispatches Connie, who
at least is a more welcome presence than the static that precedes
any intercom messages.
Well, except to Curt.
I remember the time Connie stopped by the office, knocked lightly
and gently said, “Excuse me, sir.”
“What,” Curt asked, in a tone of voice generally restricted
to angry coaches or spirit-filled pastors.
“I’ve got a package for you, sir.”
“Just leave it on the desk, dammit.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Sure, this could have been a once-in-a-blue moon outburst? Or
a frustrated employee faced with a deadline crunch? Instead, it
was this morning. It may be repeated tomorrow.
But Connie keeps trying, unlike most of Curt’s co-workers.
She steadfastly believes that Curt will eventually come around,
that he just needs a little encouragement.
Bill McAfee takes a different approach. Under normal circumstances,
Bill is a pretty quiet guy, keeps to himself. He’s got a
quick wit when he takes the time to display it; yet with Curt,
he’s a completely different fellow.
Bill goes on the offensive, literally. He’s rude, profane
and antagonistic, automatically taking any position he knows Curt
doesn’t hold. He’s basically Curt’s Curt. The
gambit works, as he invariably repels Curt. His co-workers are
amazed at his transformation, and marvel at the results, though
no one else has the courage to try it.
Instead, the rest of the employees here at Amalgamated have developed
other techniques for dealing with Curt. Or, more frequently, not
dealing with him.
Some handle this avoidance expertly. Urgent cell phone calls invariably
arise when Curt steps into a co-workers’ sightlines. These
calls are pre-programmed, though no one would share that trade
secret.
Others are less graceful, but no less effective. A clearing of
the throat and a manufactured excuse are often implemented to
extract oneself from Curt’s noxious presence.
What’s worse, Curt is basically powerless to change it.
New hires are immediately indoctrinated on the necessity of avoiding
Curt. It’s probably written into the company’s orientation
schedule by now.
And it’s not restricted to individuals.
Lunch time plans are never discussed around Curt, for fear he
might tag along. He’s never included in any group projects,
as enough associates begging off have convinced the managers to
look elsewhere for brainstorming partners. And if Curt shuffles
into the break room, you can bet that a roomful of bookkeepers,
maintenance men and salespersons will suddenly get the urge to
return to their jobs. If Hanrahan were smart, and no indictment
on that charge would ever stick, he’d allow Curt three hours
of break time per day and watch the company’s productivity
skyrocket.
The bosses are certainly aware of Curt’s unwelcome presence.
He’s been repeatedly bypassed for deserved promotions, presumably
because upper-level management has no desire to work more closely
with him either. He’s never invited to any gatherings or
presentations that include customers or suppliers for fear of
the lasting impression he might leave.
Clearly Curt hates his job. He’s good at it, there’s
no denying that, but it certainly brings him no pleasure.
What’s really odd is that none of the people outside Curt’s
office could ever imagine he would be so unpopular at work.
His wife, Margaret, is a charming woman who adores Curt, and he
her. And while his teenage daughter Megan has begun to rebel against
virtually everything Margaret stands for, she remains devoted
to her dad. Unfortunately, his 11-year-old son Mike is beginning
to show a few Curt-like tendencies, though he remains a pretty
good kid at heart.
And Curt has plenty of friends. The guys on his softball team
regularly invite him over for picnics and ballgames. He’s
a deacon at his church, and the whole family gets together monthly
with others from the congregation for pitch-ins and volunteer
work. Yup, Curt can be downright helpful.
Just not here. During the eight hours, five days a week (and
occasionally six, when the company’s running at top production),
Curt is just the miserable cuss who sucks the life out of every
room he enters.
And it won’t end soon. Curt has a full five years until
he’s eligible for early retirement, which he’ll undeniably
take. And if Curt hesitated, the company would surely sweeten
his incentive package. The owners might even get the rest of the
employees to chip in for Curt’s parting gifts.
I can’t wait for that day either. In five years, I, Curtis
Anthony Harwood, will finally be free of that poisonous presence
known to all he works with as Curt.
"I'm a freelance writer from Indiana. I have contributed
essays to two books, Dale Earnhardt: The Final Record and Our
Fathers Who Art in Heaven. I don't think I have much in common
with Curt, though others may disagree."
Writing Contest Ideas 2006
We are planning on at least one contest running
from January 1st, 2006 through June 30th, possibly two. Input
from members and writers always welcome: responses@difficultpeople.org.
Contest Idea 1
Submissions akin to our weekly newsletter "Musings"
(Go to 'Musings' section of site). $5 per entry. Poignant, inspiring,
humorous messages/stories/thoughts; 1 to 2 double spaced, typed
pages. Must be original, though can be based around a quote (credit
must be given).
We will have a disk available for purchase in the
near future that will include the first 2 1/2 years of 'Musings'
for those who want to see the gamut of possibilities.
Contest Idea 2
Short story contest similar to this year's. $10
per entry. Poignant, inspiring, humorous stories related
to the important ideas espoused on this site.
Stay tuned for future details!
Your contributions can help continue this free
section of this site and keep costs for contests, etc. at a minimum.
We sincerely appreciate any support you can give.
|
